Sleepless Nights

I remember laying awake for hours in the middle of the night in the weeks leading up to the wedding.  My brain felt like it was going 100 mph with no brakes.  In fact, sometimes it would get so bad that I would feel like the anxiety was taking over my whole night - sometimes I dreaded going to bed because I knew that it was not going to be a restful sleep. The weird thing is that a lot of times I wasn't even thinking about the wedding, it was like my mind was going other places to deal with the stress of everything I had left to do.  I remember saying the "Our Father" prayer over and over and over and over in my head... hoping to distract my mind and put me at ease.  Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

Well, I'm back to those anxiety ridden nights.  They are becoming more and more frequent again and I DO NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT! My list of worries aren't even a concern after the sun comes up, but for whatever reason, at 1:30AM, they are the most pressing thing in the world.  Plus it doesn't help that I'm famished every time I wake up in the middle of the night - luckily I'm far too lazy to ever actually get up to indulge myself.  I've taken to roaming around on Facebook and Pinterest to distract myself, but that only works for about 30 minutes.  Last night I emailed Jonathan's work account (better than calling him and waking him in the middle of the night, right?) but that didn't seem to help as much as I thought it would.  My go-to insomniac friends, Ray and Jones, have real jobs now and therefore no longer stay up all night so I couldn't even text with one of them.  So basically I stayed up for about two and a half hours until I was completely worn out and eventually fell back asleep. 

Maybe if I write out my fears/concerns/crazy thoughts I will be able to get a great night's rest... be prepared, some of them might not make any sense to you, but this is seriously the stuff I worry about:

-the baby is kicking too much
-oh no, I haven't felt him kick in a while, I hope he's okay
-the baby won't like us as his parents
-I won't be able to breastfeed for some weird reason
-my sister (I can't help but worry about her, she's my little sister!)
-Christmas gifts
-the baby won't like me holding him after he's born
-my mom (living 750 miles away makes it hard to keep tabs on how someone is really doing)
-painting the baby's dresser
-wondering if the baby is comfortable or not in my belly
-my friends not wanting to be my friends anymore (weird, but it is really a fear after marriage and kids!)
-the weather/roads on our drive home from the hospital
-going into preterm labor for whatever reason
-not having someone to drive me to the hospital if I go into labor while Jonathan's at work and need to get there quickly
-becoming official members of our church - and getting Jonathan to go with me, which always proves to be a struggle
-the baby won't like his name when he's older (we're leaning towards Calvin or Dexter, by the way)
-the process of getting the baby Baptized
-living in St. Peters... will our family come and visit us and the baby?
-what is going to happen with work?
-our financial situation
-house remodel plans

and the list goes on and on... somehow all of these things are magnified by 2,000 in the middle of the night.  I know I can't be the only one who goes through this night after night... right?